“Exist” Sahara Harrington, Bali
Countless circumstances in life tend to mold us at a young age. At least for myself, the mold was far from perfect. Filled with tumultuous, overwhelming feelings of mostly anger and anxiety; sprinkled with bits of happiness fuelled by the self-destructing side of my being, the ego. The way I treated people, partners, family members, and circumstances seemed to be a manifestation of this lack of balance and self awareness. In essence I was but a shell of a being, merely existing. With insufficient tools and understanding to overcome my lack of existence, the monotony of a self deprecating life continued. As time ate the years, I searched vehemently for people and things to fill a gaping hole in my being, yet no one and nothing sufficed. It didn’t help that I was living in a city with people of the same disease, with the sole intent to feed the ever growing ego.
With the encouragement of my family and close friends, I returned to Indonesia for the possibility of a career opportunity. It was a place I was born and grew up during the first half of my life, where the emotional wounds began. Stress of the career opportunity along with other deep rooted factors contributed to my already debilitated digestive system. I went to numerous doctors and hospitals seeking knowledge of recovery, but efforts were unsuccessful. At this point I felt the light of my existence diminishing. Self loathing was wreaking havoc on my physical being. I had to change.
I started immersing my mind with self-healing books and listening to meditations lead by masters of emotional curing. Positive changes were slowly budding; my core felt alive again and for the first time I was beginning to feel whole. Whole within myself. The universe was about to bless me with considerable life-turning events that would lead to an awakening in my existence. I am immensely grateful. For today I exist, but a different kind of existence. An existence of good intention and happiness.
Your beliefs don’t make you a better person, your behavior does